Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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