there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize