i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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