For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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