I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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