I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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