you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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