You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
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You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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