What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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