Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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