sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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