If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize