I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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