i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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