I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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