dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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