hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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