Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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