i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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