Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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