you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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