I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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