I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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