you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize