wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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