He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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