Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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