if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize