ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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