Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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