There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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