Swine flu. Run for my life!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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