I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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