there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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