Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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