I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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