when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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