You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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