FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize