Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize