theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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