I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize