She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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