you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize