So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize