Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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