3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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