I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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