I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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