More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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