96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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